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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Thinking of: What went wrong and what could be done.
Song: Over it - Katharine McPhee.
Mood: Hug me cos I'm crying and bleeding.

Sorry I didn't blog for 3 days. Was kinda bummed about so many things. Hm. Don't ask me if I'm okay when you know I'm not. I guess this song is really good? But I don't think I'm over it at all. You feel that everybody doesn't like seeing you and him together. Everyone is trying to seperate you. You get called a flirt, a bitch, a slut, a cunt and yet you love him. You really want to say sorry but you missed the chance because you were too angry. Then you lose him. You feel like you could have loved that someone so much more in the past and suddenly, the moment's gone. Then things end so suddenly and you have no say for your rights? And you feel stupid and spied on. Then he's gone for forever. You start to listen to sad songs the whole week and you cry and lock yourself up te whole day. No food to eat and too much to think of to sleep. Your eyelids are heavy but you won't want to miss a second of life to think of ways to apologize though you know he's never coming back. And you know you'd never find someone like him. You bleed on the inside and you're always hurt on the outside. You are then forced to think hell is a place called home. I can't help but taking my hobby to a higher level. I never knew knives were heavy.

I don't know what I did this time. But i'm pretty honest with my mind. You know somebody's lying. And then, he said, she said. But it doesn't matter in the end. People want what we've got and we just laugh itoff cause they don't know what we've been through.

Its just been the couple of days that I can't honour. I still remember the day when you called me your sweetest. When we had our own little places. Cause you there's no wrong way to have your little nose nuzzles. And now its all gone down the drain, you can't fish it back out. Someone's killed, murdered, tore away your forever and you'll never get it back. You know you want things to go back to normal again. You look yourself in the mirror to see this little girl crying without knowing the true meanings of life. You see her internaly dying. You know she's feeling down and she know's this is not what love's about. And then you feel her story running through you. She wakes up with a whisper of a love's name. And in the night, she ends up screaming fighting with the people called "family". You know they're not true to her but she's holding on pretending she's strong. Again and again she tried. Yet over and over they lied. And she starts crying everytime. Then it starts raining on her. She begs for Him to take away her pain. She doesn't want to live; doesn't want to breathe. She hugs her pillow everytime late at night. And everything everywhere doens't feel right. She tosses and turns finding the right warm spot to rest in. She wants to burn and break down these walls. She doesn't want to fuel this fire anymore and she knows nobody trusts her. Nobody wants her. Nobody likes her. Nobody feels her. Except for that one person who has changed her in a matter of days. She can't sleep at night and you wonder why she almost gave her life. You pity her and you can't do anything cause that person you see in the mirror is you.

End//

Tashah so melodramatic la. Stop it eh?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007